Monthly Archives: December 2012

Regrets

Well, the apocalypse didn’t happen. I almost wish I was surprised by this.

Here’s a thought experiment: If you did die today, what would you have regretted? And how would you have felt about your life?

Me first, I guess.

To be honest, I wouldn’t regret things I’ve done in the past. Sure, I’ve made many stupid mistakes. Mistakes are human. We all make them. What I would have regretted is not finishing my story.

What is my story so far? Well, I was born, I made my way through grade school and found that I was very smart and very absent-minded. I was mocked by peers for being awkward and strange and unfitting, but my loving and supportive mother and brothers helped me through it. I made some close friends and learned that friends can bring joy, comfort, and stress.

Then I went to college, and I crashed and burned. I learned that I wasn’t yet ready for life. This was followed by two years spent at home, with no progress made toward any conventional career. I worked part-time as a cashier for a year, but that led nowhere. I tried college again, and failed again. Everything I achieved was done online. I started a blog, gained a modest following of readers, and found some friends I could relate to. I learned more about myself. I learned that I yearn to express myself through writing, and that I dream of one day being widely respected as a writer.

If the apocalypse happened today, my story would be an unsatisfying, unfinished one. It would be like if Bruce Wayne died before he put on his Batman costume for the first time. What kind of ending is that? I still have a lot to do in this world. I’ve spent two years preparing to finally achieve things, and if I were to die now, that couldn’t even be classified as tragic; it’d be closer to merely disappointing.

I don’t regret the mistakes I’ve made. Those made me who I am. But I still have a long life, and I need to do something with it. So it’s not my time to die. Not yet.

That’s my answer. Now it’s your turn.